What else is there?
An overdue response to It takes a lot to render me speechless: The question that stumps Steve — “You’re telling us not to just get in a race for the traditional rewards,” [the young man] said. “But what else is there?” — is the one that I’ll try to answer here. First of all, let’s lay out what I think “traditional rewards” refers to:
- wealth
- good grades in school
- successful career (could further define this as one that supports a particular lifestyle, which is tied into wealth)
- fame and admiration
- ownership of things
None of these are bad per se and don’t feel bad for striving for them. However, recognise that these are all extrinsic rewards.
Extrinsic rewards come from outside of the self. It relies on the co-operation of another individual or system who happens to value the reward. Again, that’s not bad per se — this is how trade happens and helps us work together and co-exist/co-depend. But the value of extrinsic rewards quickly depreciate once you get them — you will always want more to stay “happy.” Worse, over-reliance on extrinsic values mean you lose touch with the intrinsic, making it all the more tricky to understand them later.
Again, extrinsic values are not bad. But in order to maintain their value and usefulness, they need to be grounded with intrinsic values.
Everyone already has a set of intrinsic values, whether they know it or not. It’s probably the second biggest motivator of our day-to-day decisions (habit being the first). Understanding these values, and separating them from extrinsic ones, is the key to balance and grounded-ness (and, eventually, to bliss).
What are some intrinsic values?
- strength of will
- autonomy
- discipline
- self-sufficiency
- enjoyment of what I do
- relaxation
- quality time with friends/family
A need for wealth can be driven by the need for autonomy and self-sufficiency. That’s OK. Being grounded in my intrinsic values, I know I need just enough wealth to maintain autonomy and self-sufficiency, but I don’t need wealth beyond that. Also, I can find other means to increase autonomy (by working for myself) or self-sufficiency (learn to grow my own food) which doesn’t require an increase in wealth.
Steve’s lament is that “success by conventional standards” in this day and age doesn’t emphasise intrinsic values enough, and that conventional schooling (which can be whatever you think that means — arguing this point is out of the scope of this entry) doesn’t give us enough help to find them.
It’s not so hopeless, though. I was once just like the young man. Somewhere along the way I came to understand that what I need is different from what other people have been telling me I need. Maybe this young man will one day fill up that “hole in his soul,” too.
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